Tell Me That You'll Wait for Me

As I prepare to return to teaching in Palestine tomorrow, I go with not a little fear and worry. To be completely honest, I don't have any good reason to go back. It's not as though I can say the kids are learning much English or that I am building real relationships with them. One of my recent existential crises has left me with the realization that for all the things I most want in life - a fulfilling career, lasting friendships, the girl of my dreams - going back to Ramallah doesn't get me closer to any of them. It is a humbling thought that leaves me with little excuse to return.

Save this: I'm going because I can, which is absolutely the worst reason to do anything. I go because I can and you, the people most dear to me, cannot. As I look at my circle of friends, I am struck by all the myriad things that you do and do well. I am surrounded by gifted artists, graduate students, law students, med students, educators, civil servants, folks who've fallen in love and gotten hitched, folks who have bought homes and started families, ministers of all shapes and sizes and every color of the rainbow.

I don't know that you all see it - or see it as clearly as I do - but there is real greatness in all of you. You have all chosen paths which are putting you ever closer to meaningful contributions to our world - a world that you, like me, desperately want to save. I know - I know beyond the shadow of any doubt - that in your number are the leaders who will one day make the tough calls, the professionals who will keep the world turning, the artists who will inspire us, and the families that will keep us all hanging together. That knowledge has always been a great comfort to me, but it has been a challenge, too.

This, I believe. That like really does come from like and that a good measure of the person you are is the standards set by the community around you. In my case, those standards are lofty, indeed. But by virtue of your good company, I am heartened to think that I, like you, am capable of something meaningful, even if the path is not so clear as I would like it. I go to Palestine tomorrow because you cannot. Just as you paint the pictures I cannot, shape the laws that I cannot, teach the lessons that I cannot, and save the lives that I cannot.

Tomorrow, I beg my leave of you. But for as long a time and as far away as I go, I promise that to you I shall return. And I shall make you as proud of me as I am of you.